grown

suffocating
day by day
slowly, surely
into decay

oxygen leaks out
into ether
replaced by toxins
replenished by waste

the existential conundrums
as we hit fan blades
event horizons
in time-space

black holes,
our own egos
coming to pieces
at last

resistance is
relinquished
ripping atoms
in ecstasy

pushed over the edge
of the universal hotbed
we were birthed in
here –

– we are at Home
in this galaxy of lights
glistening at the
far ends of other

wormholes, warm and
whole, suckling at Mother
Milky Way’s breast and bawling,
“but, God! I’m the one

who tries too hard
because I don’t know how to be anything
but an authentic and sincere
sad son of a bitch”

how beautiful it is
to be cared for
and contented,
womb-like

nowhere to go
but to grow
up and out
and into this

C&C

 

It seems I can’t ever quite
hear you clearly, and I
never know if it’s just
the distance or maybe the
mountains between us
to blame. All the same,
the sound of your garbled
voice amid the static
is … … … … … … … … … …

Nigeria

Our names in the sky –
Help! Working is PART:yours:
And you are
anybody but known
For sure,

The messages you Write
To the exalted you,
It has no all: fraudulent
payments
Debtors gullible
claiming nuance into office
And naming conjunction
Advances to be
communion, enunciation to
Central International Pain,
Stasis carried
list of official facsimiles.

they intermediate thoughts
within Panacea, this
Fee to addressing educates + must
exercise
Follow
pin
Team 100%
negativeCOMPLIMENTS

No

because, ME.

correspondences
required.

information beware.
recorded. Directed.

We be above this.

send,
conduct

be all. links: data and
code menace by
mandate. by

Pages of you
or an
Allocation do
directly-Secret.

I think we should

move.

Phaser Effect

Each limb tied down
A different rabbit hole,
Converging even horizons
Tearing apart each
And every atom,
Nucleus by nucleus,
Until I have nothing left.
Spread too thin
In my divergent interests,
They say not to put
All your eggs in one
Basket, but truely
The cataclysm necessary
For creative birth
Can only be found
By going over the edge,
Head over heels,
Only then will endeavors
And success be wed.
I am scared of my own
Potential for prolificness,
Preferring to stay
In the shadows, immersed
In my inner work,
Germinating my own rebirth.
I hold myself back
Because I’m afraid I’m
Not ready for this world,
Or, that this world is
Not ready for me.
I’m afraid to just be.
Everything I postulate
Lies in wait
Of the day
I break through
My self-imposed
Imposter phase.

Dear Beings That Live in the Starlight,

Dear Beings That Live in the Starlight,

Hello! I see you now, as you dance around
in the reflections on this page
as the sun hits the clear-plastic-kaleidoscope
of my pen while I’m writing this note to you,
standing in one of your portals of light.

I’m here. You’re here.
How’s the weather, friends?
Let’s shoot the breeze…

Feels like you’ve always been there for me…

I felt your presence as a little girl.
The warmth of the sun on my arms as I played
in the grass, rode carnival rides,
and my bike to the five-and-dime.
I used to stare out my window
through the pink petals on the dogwood tree
and soak in the sun. They told me I wasn’t
supposed to, that staring into the sun is
a good way to go blind, but
I loved the geometric shapes it imprinted
in rainbow colors on the darkness
of my mind’s eye, where I
perceived you as something more
than they claimed you to be.
Not the god with the white robe
and long beard I knew from church.
Not the science on TV and in the classroom
that explained away your rainbows so easily
without the charm of your magic I knew so well.

You were there when the kids at school
laughed at me, pointed fingers and gossiped,
called me names, feared me for being strange,
when my reputation for witchcraft preceded me,
when I built my first altar in the hayloft,
when I fell asleep in the thicket
and all the faeries emerged from the little purple flowers
and danced around over my sleeping crown,
blessing me with their faery-dust;
infused in the music that carried me,
the books that fed my mind and heart,
the friends that shared lifetimes with me
in the infinitesimal moments of our youths,
in sunrises over the lake and the mountains,
laced with effervescent colors melding into
mushroom-clouds with the beat of our hearts.
I see that spark that shines just right
in my lover’s eyes, that something
that shimmers the same wavelength
you glow in my children’s souls;

There is something going on here.
Something more than meets the eye.
And I don’t always understand what you’re saying,
but I’ve felt you there with me, so much of the time,
and I know you have felt this way, too.
I know you are listening,
and I want to tell you: I love you.
I have always loved you.
I have been chasing your beauty and kindness
and joy-love all along.

Thank you for dropping me this line.
I so often despair, knowing all too well there are
much darker tunes out there,
but I trust in your guidance. You have ever lead me
away from temptation and every evil.

You are the heart of my quest.
My best friend, my forever.
You are everything!
In the fields, in the woods,
in the streams and abandoned buildings.
You are everywhere!
In my bones, in the earth,
in the stars, all the stars.

(Yes, I miss you when I forget myself
and get lost in the shadows.
Please forgive me for never thinking
to call you to me by name…)

Until next time,
♥♥♥

image file

snow in spring,
it’s a new england thing;
& i wish i could cut&paste
parts of my mind to the page
so i don’t forget my…
my, i am missing a certain sphere
of knowledge!
do i keep playing to my strengths,
or time to fill in the pieces?
math. finances. history.
biology. science. chemistry.
there’s a whole other world out there
i’ve been effectively ignoring
& pulling the wool over my own eyes
(blindspot)
about what i know i want.
the ghosts by the river are happy here,
why not i?