Down and Up Again

Why do I suddenly feel hate?

Everything is wonderful,
but I’m unhappy.
Figuring out what happened
is never an easy thing
to put my finger on
when this springs up,
catching me off guard.

Check the sky.
What’s going on with the planets?
Something has got to be in retrograde,
fucking shit up.

The hell can’t I eat healthy and exercise
and get a good sleep every night!
If I could do these simple tasks
my life would miraculously straighten out,

Money, money, money!
All the junk I “want,”
just get it out
so I can see clearly
how deluded and poisoned
consumerism has made me.
Got all the things,
still not happy.

Something fundamentally morbid at my core
is gnawing away, leaving me hollow.
Now running on empty,
how can I give to my son?
It’s not right and it’s not me, either.
This depression is an energy drain on all the world.
Tapping into it right now is dragging me down.
There are better energy sources to plug myself into,
as humanity needs to adopt more efficient resources
to power our existence.

That’s my issue.

I get caught up trying to look at the big picture,
only to have been focusing on a few ugly details,
painting my own sad rendition from there.

2 thoughts on “Down and Up Again

  1. *snugs* Sometimes it’s good to step back and look at the big picture, and other times you just have to focus on what’s in front of you. The trick is knowing which view to adopt when. (I don’t know how, though, more’s the pity!)

    I’d like to see your want lists. Maybe you’ll start a trend. ^_^

  2. Yeah, my tendency is to focus on the wrong thing at the wrong time. No wonder I never stay happy for long! At least these days I can fairly well snap myself back into reality, but it’s a constant task, as I keep slipping off into places where I shouldn’t be.

    Clearly if we could all stay in the present moment together, there wouldn’t be such a problem here!

    I’m working on the list. It’s massive. I’m trying to trim it down. I don’t want it to be an “if I had all the money in the world…” sort of list, just a reflection of my current feelings of lack. All the things I want Right Now and in all likelihood would probably get most of in the near future if it weren’t for this sudden flash of clarity.

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