Musings on Parenthood: I Love You, Really

Every time I nurse my boy,
I remind myself to sit up straight,
relax, and then focus on my breath.
We are nursing every two or three hours,
so, getting a lot of practice with it.
I do feel calmer,
getting better sleep at night,
and I’m finally beginning to let go
of the fact that I just can’t do
the same as before I had this beautiful baby.
I’m okay with the sink being full of dishes,
floor not being swept or mopped for a week at a time,
mail piling up on the kitchen table.
I have more appreciation for
taking a shower,
stretching my legs,
and holding a sleeping boy in my arms.
Things are different now,
and I’m glad for the opportunity to
live it, acknowledge it, and enjoy it.

To be anywhere but held in arms!
Can’t put him down for more than a minute
before he starts to fuss.
Oh, well. I console myself by knowing
that someday all too soon
he will be big and won’t want to be held
at all anymore.
I’ll enjoy this while it lasts.
And, no, I certainly am not spoiling him.
I’m instilling in him a sense of security,
and the knowledge that I will always,
always be here for him.

He sleeps in bed with me,
I pick him up every time he cries,
I’m told he’ll never be independent…
One month old!
How can one so small
be expected to be independent?!
He is completely reliant on those in his life
to feed him, clothe him, provide shelter for him,
and above all else to love and nurture him.
Why should we welcome our children into the world
in such a harsh manner, as to say,
“There is nobody here for you – sorry,
you’re all by yourself
in this cold, uncaring new existence.”
No, that’s terrible.
The world becomes what our children learn it to be.
I choose to accentuate the positive.
I wish my child to learn this is a warm,
nurturing place – no different from my womb.
Mother Earth provides for us all.
Interdependence is much more the reality than independence.
We are all in this together.
No one is separate, no one is alone.

That is the most amazing thing about a newborn baby –
they don’t know they are not you, that you are not them,
that anything is or is not anything else.
It’s all one and the same.
So beautiful.
Why do we ever have to believe otherwise?
What a cruel trick has been played on humanity,
making us think that the unity of all things just isn’t so.

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