nine months

now? i feel very old, tired.
but somehow this seems so important.
i went back as far as i could
until there wasn’t anything left.
it’s like it was so long ago.
though nothing is clear,
i’ll try and say something of the experience
while attempting to not pass out:
it was all very silly,
quite serious at times,
sad, lonely,
hopeful, high,
and in the end, at least i can laugh at myself.
yet further back i still feel i must go.
and here i am, another beginning at hand,
unconsciously planned
to surprise and delight me
in ways i am still too naive to believe.
i used to think inspiration came
from johnny walker and mary jane.
now i see all the creativity and life i will ever need
is eternally growing inside of me.
so this is what it’s like to be a woman, hmm?
this is just the beginning.
we’ve got at least a lifetime to go.
it’s so early,
how can i keep from fearing…?
but i don’t even want to say it because
it’s putting that negative energy out there
and…in there?
what’s it like?
you’re already a part of the world.
you always have been, always will be.
another kick in the pants from the universe,
because somehow i just don’t get it yet.
but i’ve got you, babe.
you’ve got me.
you are me.
i am you.
we are everything.
all the silly sinful sights and sounds and
spectacles i’ve indulged in
during the past four years or so…
i’m so happy i’ve lived!
to look back on the joy and wonder and excitement,
i feel full of pride and astonishment at
how wondrous a life i’ve lived.
it’s nothing i dreamed it would be,
and yet,
more incredible than i could ever dream.
ask and you shall receive.
i asked for a love whose heart matched mine;
someone with whom to always stick by.
then i asked for a new life,
and we got one!
i don’t yet know how everything will play out.
part of me feels like i’m not playing at all any more.
this is so very serious.
the weight of real responsibility is just beginning
to rest upon me,
and already i feel very tired
just thinking about it.
hey – that reminds me:
don’t think so much.
be free.
have faith.
give thanks for delicious.
follow your heart
(and now, too, your belly –
where your new heart resides).
give everything one-hundred percent.
and i know you’re all bored
with this “same old bullshit”
but sometimes it’s the only way.
sitting bulls, old and new,
same and changed,
when was the last new moon?

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