october somethings

it’s me.
i’m convinced that it’s me.
but still,
if they don’t mind,
why do i?
no more blood.
would that be the end?

“why are you so critical of me?!”
“because you are so critical of me!”

tea says:
“realize that the other person is you.”
also: prayer, god, etc.

i’m preaching, lecturing,
moping and depressing,
distancing, drinking.
materialistic, money-hungry,
obscenely vain and over-concerned.
overeating, sometimes starving myself,
not pushing hard enough.
picking, picking, picking.
worrying – take it all off or let things grow in?
who’s not listening now, miss?

i dream constantly of a love i did not have,
clinging to a past that is not real.
so much is imagined and re-detailed
to fit my current emotional needs.

i only wanted some truth, some beauty.
something delicious is all i ever wish for.
maybe i’m not asking for enough?
possible? possibly.
so many possibilities!
i get caught up.

just chose and have faith
and the rest will follow
or else it will all fall through
and either way it was meant to be
and there you are
right here right now
all over again
as always.
every day is a perfect day.

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