on love & hate

hate: is a strong emotion.
i’m talking to myself again
and maybe i should keep things this way
instead of sharing my dreams
with the whole wide world
only to have them knock me down
knock the wind from my lungs
circle my fallen body like vultures
waiting for me to give up
so they can feast on their fermented
“i told you so!” song.

this time i’ll be more quiet,
this time i’ll take care of me,
this time i won’t care about you,
this time i won’t care to share.

sometimes being selfish
is the only way to get anything done.
it’s nice to know something is worthwhile,
and it’s nice to know when things go wrong
i can only blame myself
for my bad decisions
and all my mistakes.
it’s hard trying to be your own person
after being the product
of everybody else’s desires
for so long.
so i’m starting over,
i’m starting from the beginning,
i’m starting and there is no stop.
i’ll come and go as i please,
i’ll take pride in myself,
i won’t get down and beg on my knees.
i’ll be free.
i’ll start now as i mean to go,
show more of the whole me to people.
there are many sides, and all are wonderful,
and i don’t want to hide
parts of me in the shadows.
i want to see me for who i am,
and i want you to see me that way, too,
but right now i don’t want you to see me at all.
wait for me to come out of my cocoon.
wait to see my wings
when the flowers are in full bloom.

i reached too far,
i went too fast,
and here i am,
home at last.

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